Chewit, Mittraparb, Kwarm Ruk

For You

2010-07-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

These are song lyrics that reminded me about you...

"Can't believe I had a girl like you
and I just let you walk right outta my life.
After all I put you through,
you still stuck around and stayed by my side.
What really hurt me is I broke you heart, baby
you were a good girl and I had no right.
I really wanna make things right
'cause without you in my life, girl...I'm so lonely..."
- Mr. Lonely by Akon

"And it's still so hard to be who you are,
but you've come this far with a broken heart.
And it's still so hard to be who you are,
but you've come this far and you're broken.
Let me light up the sky..."
- Light Up The Sky by Yellowcard

"In my arms, you'll be fine, I'll never let go.
All you've lost will come again, just stay with me.
Never look back, never again, it's over.
Everything ends here in my arms..."
- In My Arms by Dead By April

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AQknSzA1AU

You really make me a fool.
I miss you.

Spring Break!

2010-03-20T02:21:00.000-07:00

"Yum...Yum..." - Walt Kowalski from Gran Torino

FUCK...I'm so exhausted, but I finally finished all my final exams this week and I am officially on Spring Break! I took Precalculus I and Wellness For Life this Winter Quarter and it did not stress me out that much except...on finals week. Wellness For Life is a easy online class and I passed that class with a B. Precalculus I is a different story. I did not like how my instructor taught the class and basically, I did not learn anything from that class! I had to teach myself how to do everything in that class. My final exam on my Precalculus I test kicked my ass and I know that I failed the final exam, but I am not giving up hope because I am re-taking that class again next quarter in the spring. Bad idea...I know.

I'm relieved and relaxed though! I'm planning to sleep in every night because I need to catch up on my sleep since I only had four hours of sleep, everyday. As for my plans on Spring Break, it depends if my close friends want to hang out and do something. Also, I'll be gone on Thursday, March 25 through Saturday, March 27 because I'm going to the Generation Conference! I don't know what to expect, but I'm way stoked! Oh and since Winter Quarter is finally over, I desperately need a haircut! My hair is really long and I hate how I need to fix my hair everyday. I'm ready for a short haircut and probably, peek-a-boo highlights...maybe. Still debating, but I'm ready for a new look on my hair for a change :) Can't wait!

"Fuckin'-What the fuckin'. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking...How did you two fucking fucks...FUCK!" - Rocco from Boondock Saints

Looking Forward...

2010-03-13T01:43:00.000-08:00

"I can't hold back any longer. From today, I won't give you any. From now on, I will never give you my feelings. From now on, I will never-ever give it to you. From now on...From now on...I will never cry, it won't happen twice...I don't wanna cry, now we have to let it go..." - 4Minute

Long time, no blogging! This is not gonna be one of those entries where I am going to write about my deep feelings or about my special someone. I am tired of looking back and wondering how I can make everything back to normal. If I keep looking back in the past, I am never gonna move forward with my life and I will be stuck in the past. I am sick and tired of getting myself hurt and holding onto things that doesn't last forever. I will always remember the great moments I had with those special people whom I have bonded with for the past year and knowing that they are placed inside my heart. When I mean "special people..." I mean, my close friends. I wish I could name all of them in my blog, but I personally don't like writing names down in my personal blog. You know who you are and if you're reading this by any chance, I am so thankful I have met you. Now that I have realized that everything is changing so fast, I am going to let go and move forward...

What have I been up to lately? Stuff...and I mean, lots of stuff. I am currently on my second year of community college and still working as the Student Media Manager of Student Organizations. I really need another job because I don't earn that much money or enough hours. I really love my job, no doubt about it! And it's really going to help me succeed as a graphic designer in the future, but I seriously need more money! What else? I am planning to graduate from community college in the year of 2011 or 2012. I am not really positive, but I am a little bit behind on my credits right now. When I do graduate, I am planning to move out and move to Seattle since University of Washington is located there. Then, move back to Oak Harbor after graduating from UW and go from there. I guess, I have been planning out my future goals at the moment, but I just hope everything goes the way I planned it. LOL...maybe not. I know there's going to be some bumpy or cracks in the roads, but I am strong enough to handle it.

Guess what my current obsession is right now? Still Arashi...Nope. Anime...Not even close. Well, lately it has been K-pop music! A few good friends of mine really got me hooked on K-pop music when I was currently hooked on rock bands before. I really hate comparing...I really do, but comparing to Arashi, I could understand why Big Bang, Super Junior and 2PM are way better looking than Arashi and the fact that their music is more upbeat and they can dance. I have discovered amazing K-pop groups such as Big Bang, Super Junior, 2PM, 2NE1, 4Minute, Wonder Girls, Brown Eyed Girls, Girl's Generation, and many more. They are all good looking, both guys and girls, and great dancers, I gotta say! Starting the month of January, I have been listening to K-pop music, every moment of every day. I love discovering new genre of music!

"I don't care, I'll stop caring about what you're doing, wherever you are. From now on, I really don't care. I'll get out of the way. From now on, don't come to me and cry, and cling on 'cause I don't care..." - 2NE1

My Heart's Afraid

2010-03-08T00:01:00.001-08:00

"Please now be happy too, so I can forget you.

There'll be some other guy, I really don't need to...

Spend all these sleepless nights, just wishing you were by my side...

Oh no...And for the longest time,

These illusions, dreaming about the day you'll be mine.

We're still walking side by side,

Now we're drifting, can't you see that this isn't right?"

- TaeYang

I just want to let this all out of my deep heart before I had to let him go. People had told me to get over him and he is not the right guy for me. I can honestly say that he is not the one for me and I know that we're not compatible for each other. I really thought he was and I dreamt about how far we're going to be together, but I know that's not gonna happen, ever. The fact that he is my first boyfriend, he really changed me and helped me grow. Sure, I made mistakes and hurt him, in which I did not mean to, but I grew from my mistakes and learned from them. People may think that it is silly to say this, but he is one special guy I really like. One in a million. No matter how much he hurt me, I cannot seem to forget about him or get over him. He is not a jerk, douche bag or an asshole, but he is sure clueless about things...I'm not saying that he is dumb. Even though we both agreed that we're not compatible for each other and just stay as good friends, he still hurt me even more especially when he doesn't know about it.

I know, I know, I know...I need to get over him, but give me a break! You don't know how much he means to me. Every moment we spend together with our group of friends and I am acting like a good friend to him, deep down I hoped for more from him, but like I said, it is never gonna happen. Why do I still care about him? Why do I still stayed and kept up with him? Why am I getting myself hurt or pushed away? I thought about ways to get over him...One) No "video games." Two) Not be friends with him or...Three) For him to be mean to me. There might be more options, but for now, those are the top three. If you're wondering about the "video games" phrase, I'm just gonna say, it is not what you think and I can't really say since it's only between me and him. Anyway, option number one...I enjoy playing "video games" with him, but it is going to be really hard for me to get over him if I kept it up. Option number two...I want to be friends with him, no doubt about it, but it is for the best and it is hard since we both have the same friends in our group. Option number three...Things would have been so much easier for me to get over him if he was really mean to me or for him to piss me off. I would forget about him if that happened...

I always told myself, "I'm finally over him..." but when my feelings came back, I had to start over again, so it is on and off for me. I don't regret that he is my first, but I don't know how I am going to react or feel if he had a new girlfriend. As a friend, I would be really happy for him, but it is going to take me awhile for me to get use to, if he had a girlfriend. That is my fear. To this day, I am looking for someone new, but I am not in a rush. I am planning to live life and wait for that special guy to come to me. We'll see how that goes. To end this short...DAMN, it's so hard to not think about him...

"I just want you to know...My heart's afraid you'll change and turn into someone else. I'm afraid your heart will vanish from my life. I'm afraid there could be someone else who will come and take my place. I'm afraid this long distance will cause our love to change from before." - AM Fine

My Heart...

2009-07-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

Tuesday July 7, 2009: (7:52 PM)

"I see right now where it's heading down. The same road I've seen before, but no one told me that it would hurt this way and my life wouldn't be the same. That's why I got to get my heart back to...the way it used to be..."
- Keyshia Cole

This summer has been opening my eyes to new opportunities and realizing who I am becoming. Even though my goal was to apply on a decent job over the summer and save up money for fall quarter, I have realized how hard it was when I don't have my driver's license yet or my own car. At this moment, I want to focus on driving and earn my driver's license over the summer before fall quarter hits this September. I don't know how I am going to pay for my tuition for fall quarter, but I really hope my parents are willing to support me and help me pay it off. My summer so far has been relaxing, overwhelming and fun! I know there are those days when I stay at home and all I do for the rest of the day is sit in front of my laptop and watch some Animes on the Internet. I call those my lazy days. I always have this goal in my head to motivate myself to dress up in my sports clothes and get out of the house for a morning run, but it seems like I'm too lazy to even get up in the morning on these summer days. I have been waking up around noon, every single day and I'm always waiting for someone to call me up to hang out.

I'm surprised that my older sister and brother-in-law have been inviting me to their hang outs lately and I am glad that I had this opportunity to spend time with them. Every time the weekend comes around, I'm going out with my older sister and brother-in-law for a barbeque party or a movie or hiking or hanging out at their condo home. The funny thing is my brother-in-law let me start drinking so I would learn what I should expect and what my limit is in drinking alcohol. For the first time, I drank two in a half bottles of beer and I got boozed pretty bad, but I'm glad that my brother-in-law was there to help me out and take care of me. When I was cooling down outside in the backyard at my brother-in-law's cousin's house, I had a long serious talk with my brother-in-law that night and we talk about our situations and shared stories to each other. I'm glad that I asked for some advice about my situation right now and about my ex-boyfriend. For some odd reason, I couldn't resist to get him out of my mind and I still have feelings for him even though he had some other girl in his mind when he is in Thailand. My brother-in-law told me that I could do better and move on, but it's so hard at this moment.

I thought I could move on from him, but somehow, I couldn't bare the fact that I do care for him and feel guilty for all the hardships I gave him. The fact that I hurt his feelings made me realize how bad of a girlfriend I was to even forget about him and have a interest in someone else. That taught me a lot about my actions and how I'm not going to do the same mistakes again. Now that I think about it, I even hurt my best friend's feelings, too. When my best friend told me that I'm acting different and not treating her the same way before, it made me realize how much I changed and how my actions really affect the people whom I really care about especially my best friend.

I've gone through a difficult road and all these situations made me open my eyes of who I am becoming. I don't know if changing myself is for the better or for the worst, but either way, I did really change and you know what? I don't regret it. It's better to go through the bad situations in order to enjoy the good moments in life. Whether you like or not, I'm developing more about myself and realizing who I am becoming even though I don't really know what I am becoming. Like my brother-in-law said to me, I'll find out at the end of the road of my long journey meaning by the end of my summer.

To my ex-boyfriend: This whole summer so far, I have been thinking about you every single day every since you left for Thailand. It's really hard to get over you even though it is best when I don't see you for the whole summer. I do know that you're over me and moving on from me, but I'm always afraid that you'll forget about me and afraid of losing you as a friend because I am labeled as your ex-girlfriend. Every day, I would wake up early in the morning just so I can sign-in on MSN messenger and wait for you to log on, so I can chat with you to see what you've been up to and hear any news from you. That's why I always ask if I am bothering you because I will always and forever be labeled as your ex-girlfriend and I really don't want to be a bother to anyone. I have been dwelling on the past and about our moments we have spent together, but I guess you're sick and tired of me rambling about you in my blog, huh? I bet you're thinking, "What the fuck? Just get over me already..." Just to let you know, as a good friend, I care about and I still like you and I'm willing to be there for you if you needed help. That's all I want to do for you as a good friend and nothing more. Losing you as my good friend would be the last thing on my mind and I would not allow that to happen. If you don't like this at all, always tell me to my face and I'll leave you alone. Anything you want is what I'm willing to accept even though it will hurt me in the end. Don't get me wrong. If you ever want to play "video games," I am always up for that, just for the fun of it when I do get pretty itchy haha. I always wonder, also, if you still kept my note I gave you and wondering if you still want my copy of my book that I dedicated to you. Hmmm...I also wonder if you're going to change, too, once you come back. I wonder...

"We've come to an ending somehow. I don't know what to do, but I don't wanna forget now. I love you baby, I still love you....My heart is gonna wait forever. I'm still holding on to all of our moments together. I love you baby, I still love you..."
- Rain

Random...

2009-06-27T02:43:00.000-07:00

"Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies...Across this new divide."
- Linkin Park

When I arrived home around 2:15 AM and checked my voice messages, I recieved the most random voice message I ever got in my life. Whoever send me this said that I won three tickets to a Linkin Park concert in Auburn, WA! And to think that this voice message was from a random guy from 92.5 FM. My mouth dropped because I couldn't believe it, but at the same time, I was like, "Yeah, right! You got to be kidding me!" I think it's like a random spam, but they did say my full name on the voice message. I don't know if it's the real deal because if it was, I'll be like squealing like crazy and jumping up and down for joy! If not, I just move on in my life...

Back to reality...Today I watched the second movie of Transformers for the second time this week. The first time I watched it, all I could think about is that Transformers 2 is almost three hours long and the fact that I was very sleepy and slept during the middle of the movie. Transformers 2 was held at the Blue Fox Drive-In around midnight on the day the movie was premiered. I come to think of it, I really don't like watching movies in a drive-in anymore. Once midnight hits, I pass out and take a nap lol. Anyway, I wanted to watch Transformers 2 the second time because I was not satisfied if the movie was amazing or not, so I went to watch the movie again with my best friend and her family today. We drove to the Cascade Mall and watched it at the AMC Theater around 10:30 PM. The previews were awesome! I really can't wait until Harry Potter: The Half-Blood Prince and The Last Airbender movie comes out in theaters soon. I'm pretty hyped up about it. Anyway, the second time around, I really think Transformers 2 was an amazing movie. It was so action packed and my most favorite part of the movie was the song, "New Divide" from Linkin Park. Bumblebee and Opitmus Prime became my most favorite Autobots in the movie! Now, my next movie I really want to watch is The Proposal, Up and the Hangover.

"You never know what you've got until it's gone..."
- Unknown

Truth Comes Out...

2009-06-19T13:55:00.000-07:00

Tuesday June 16, 2009: (3:31 AM)

"Whenever he told me the honest truth about myself and the past, I get emotional sometimes and I wasn't strong enough to say what I think about it...That's why I never ask."
- Tristine

I know I haven't been updating my blog lately, but I have been involved in a journey with many obstacles and struggles to go through and overall, this ended up becoming a long story that has to be told. Just a few minutes ago, I was talking to my ex-boyfriend on the phone. Whenever we don't hang out or see each other that day, we always talk on the phone to check up on each other of how our day went. He told me that he and his friend had a few drinks (not really) and ended up being drunk. So, the fact that my ex-boyfriend called me up that night made me realized how honest he was on the phone. I had something on my chest that I wanted to talk to him about, but I couldn't have the guts to talk to him about it.

I'm a very curious person, so obviously, I had questions that I wanted him to answer. My first question was, did he used me only for sex? He answered the question in the most honest way and the fact that he is drunk, I knew everything that he said was true. He said that he never really use me for sex. He only wanted to do it because he wanted to plus I wanted to and for the fun of it. Then, he said he only wanted to have sex with me if I wanted to do it. So, I'm glad that he never used me. He also told me to never let anyone use me for anything especially jerks out there that only wanted what they want and try to trick me into something that I don't want to do.

My other question was, we have feelings for each other, but what is holding us back from being in a relationship? I already knew the answer, but when I had that serious talk with my best friend and I confessed about my deep secrets, she was confused about our friendship and why we are hanging out so much with each other especially when we are not even dating. His answer was, what he want and what I want is not working out and at that point, we knew that both of us are not compatible with each other. We weren't meant to be and we both knew that if we keep our relationship any further, we'll be hiding the situation and wouldn't even bother to fix that problem. But when we do have the chance to fix the problem, the situation ends up growing into a huge problem and a mess.

He was an amazing boyfriend I ever had and I would not regret of what we have, but I wish he would understand about how busy I am and how I'm trying to balance everything that means to me in my life and help me and support me to go through my situations. He obviously did not want to deal with it and wanted someone more that would think about him every moment and everyday. He told me that smalls things means more than anything and makes a huge difference in a relationship. But the fact that my care for him was not enough, I was not the girl he was looking for. he told me that there is always somebody out there that could fill up those small things and makes things better. He told me, "I hope you find a better guy than me..." At that moment, I wanted to say, "I could never find somebody that would level up my expectations about you. Even though those small things he had is not what I want, everything else about him really made it up on my high standards." I don't know if the reason is that I'm not over it yet or I wouldn't accept the truth. Some say I should get over him and find someone better. Others say that he should support me. People ask me, what do you want? At this moment, I don't want anybody else, but him...

"Find yourself. Be yourself. Live yourself."
- My ex-boyfriend

My Deep Feelings...

2009-01-30T00:58:00.000-08:00

"I may be hurting inside, but I am strong enough to move on..."
- Tristine

My quote explains it all, but there's a story behind it and believe me, it's going to be a long story to tell. This is something I can't say in words, but actually write down about what I'm feeling right now. I feel pissed, jealous, happy and confused all at the same time. When I'm writing something serious, I would never mention names in my personal blog entries. So, I'll just write that's coming from what I feel and I know you think it's kind of ridiculous, but just bare with me.

To my best friend: I am absolutely happy for you when you've finally found someone that accepted you for who you are and keeping a secretive relationship with him. I know it has been a long time since you've dated someone or had a "boyfriend" as I would say, but whatever the consequence is, I'm always there to support you all the way. The day when I rejected him, telling him that "I only like him as a friend" was something I had to do to help you out. You complained to me all the time about how he doesn't pay attention to you and it seems like he is only trying to be your friend, just so he can get to me and date me. At that point, I felt bad and I didn't want you to go through that shit all the time. Plus, I hate being the center of attention, so telling him of how I feel about him, in honesty was something I had to do. It seems like it was my mission to let something go and make our friendship balanced in a way.

When I felt relieved, he changed for the better and everything came back to normal like how it suppose to be, but as the day's move forward throughout the month of January, I finally realized that I regretted a decision and it's too late to change the past. When he is acting like himself and hanged around our guys' friends, he seems like he become more laid-back and moved on. He became more of a better guy friend to me and the most shocking about it is that he's not too cocky anymore. I started to like him more and more and wouldn't waste my day staying at home. I like his company and being around him, but I did notice that you and him had something special that I couldn't bear to have and I became jealous as you would to me. You would text him every day and leave meaningful words to him like "I miss you…" or "I like you…" and when I did saw the text messages you showed me, it hurt my heart and couldn't hold my deep feelings together.

Honestly, I am very happy for you and you're my best friend, so I couldn't blame you or be mad at you at anything. It's just, I realized I regretted a decision and now, I know how he feels when he gets rejected like that. The meaning of falling down a cliff and never coming back up to something you’re aiming for. That's how I feel right now. The only way for me to forget about him is not see him at least a week or maybe, two weeks or more. Whatever how long it takes, I'm willing to take that commitment to not see him and actually move on from the situation even though I do have feelings for him now, but I couldn't take away your attention from him since he does like you. Not because of your looks, but your awesome personality. This is your time to shine and do whatever you want because it's your relationship you want to progress and take one step at a time. I love you and always know that I'm happy for you!

"People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said...but they will always remember how you made them feel."
- Unknown

To my guy friend: Even though it has been at least three months since the day we first met each other, I still remember how you made me feel about you. I never told you in person how I felt when I was getting to know you as a friend, but honestly, "I did liked you" when you were those kind of guys that would keep the conversations going. I don't know why, but somehow you impressed me. First, it was your car, how athletic you were and your taste in rock music, but there was always something more to you that I thought I wouldn't get to know. We talked about our family, our high school years, friends and our past relationships. Whenever we met up to hang out, I would get butterflies and my hands would shake. I couldn't help, but think about you each and every day even though we do have the same math class together. Sure, you're thinking that I'm acting like those middle schools girls crushing on some cute guy, but that's how I felt. It was also a coincidence that your younger brother was friends with my younger nephew. "Wow, it's a small world," as I would say, but you added in, "It's a small town."

As we hanged out more often from the month of December to January, as I would hate to say it, you acted cocky and you were too confident in yourself thinking that I would give you a chance in a relationship. Even though I did like you, it faded away when you lost that opportunity and bored me to death, honestly. When we went to dinner as a group and you're not there, the subject of our conversation was always about you and a good friend of mine would give me advice to somehow tell you that "I don't like you anymore..." I don't like those kind of guys who think that they have a great opportunity to go out with me, but honestly, I'm pretty much hard to get since I do have trust issues and afraid of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Plus, you were treating my best friend like a tool just to get close to me. So, I made a decision to reject you and tell you that "I only like you as a friend," just so I can balance our friendship between the three of us: you, me and my best friend.

Ever since that day, you changed and became more yourself as you moved on. Of course, I was relieved and happy that everything was solved, thinking that there's nothing to worry about. The more we hanged out, the more you became who you are and treated me and my best friend as an equal in our circle of friends. I opened up to you more as you did to me and no matter what we're doing, I was comfortable around you.

But things were going back to square one. I noticed my best friend was getting close to you and confessed about how she felt about you as I was before. You two would text each other like you were good friends and sat by each other like nothing is wrong. The more I noticed it, the more I became jealous and couldn't handle an image of you two being together even though you two are taking it slow in your relationship. When I read your text in my best friend's cell phone saying, "I like you too," it hit me like needles, knowing that you're over me and moving on even though I'm trying to not care, but I do. You convince me to liking you again when you're not even trying and what hurts me the most was that my best friend likes you more.

So, in that case I want to move on and try to forget that I do have feelings for you because it's my best friend's turn to shine and go for what she wants. As a good friend, I wouldn't take that opportunity away from her. I do regret of what I've done to you and I know how you felt when I told you that I don't like you. I am sorry and I realized I lost a great opportunity. Even though I'm hurting inside and I feel like shit, I'm strong enough to move on, but one last thing. I wouldn't forget of how you made me feel. I'm happy for the both of you!

"If I can change, I would.
Take back the pain, I would.
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would.
If I could, stand up and take the blame, I would.
I could take all the shame to the grave, I would."
- Easier To Run by Linkin Park

Fall Quarter 2008 Complete!

2008-12-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

"She got her own thing, that’s why I love her.
Miss Independent, won’t you come and spend a little time?"
- Miss Independent by Ne-yo

On Wednesday of last week, I officially finished with all my finals! The good news was that my finals in both Math 97 and English 97 weren't so bad and they're absolutely easy. My final grades were an A- for English 97 and a B for Math 97! I'm glad I've passed both my classes and also, registered other classes for Winter Quarter starting in January 2009. I got that off my shoulders now! I'm currently enjoying my winter break and the beautiful snow outside.

Well, if you're curious, I'm taking English 99, Math 98 and Pilates for the Winter Quarter. I'm actually excited for the upcoming winter quarter because I get to do Pilates for the first time and I want to lose inches off my waist. That's my main goal when I'm involve in PE classes.

Oh yeah, I have a LiveJournal now, so check it out!
http://torisutan-yi.livejournal.com

"Go back to what you know,
Go back to where you know where your heart is…"
- Back To What You Know by Ne-yo

College - Three Weeks Left

2008-11-18T01:13:00.000-08:00

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return."
- Nothing I Won't Give by Vic Mignogna

Even though a semester is only four months, I've never realized that I only have three weeks left before the fall semester ends. It shocked me when I looked at the calendar today. I have to sign up for my classes for winter semester in January, but I'm still debating whether I want more than 2 classes each week. My overall grade in both my English 97 and Math 97 class are at least above a C and I'm glad that I'm passing both my classes. I can move on to English 99 and Math 99 and probably add in another class, but I'm really not sure though. To be honest, those two classes are way too easy for me, but my instructors taught me very well and I've learned a lot. Well, all that matters to me is that I'm almost done and I can't wait for winter break! I really want to go snowboarding again (hehe).

Random thought; a month ago, I finally got my eye glasses. They don't look half as bad as I thought it would be and I like them! All that matters to me is that I can finally see, clearly and hopefully, I get to practice more of driving behind the wheel more often this time. I haven't drove is such a long time and it's kind of pretty sad, actually, now that I think about it. Seems like every single day, there's always something happening. Lately, it has been the Taiko Drum Event, Confirmation Retreat, Aki – Con and family issues. I would love to talk about each and every topic in the list right now, but I write a lot in very much detail and my blog would be very long. It's so long that nobody would bother to read my blog anyway (lol). Oh yeah, on my previous blog entries, I talked about seeing Jabbawockeez perform live in Everett, Washington on October 13th? Remember that? Well, I asked my older sister if we're going, but she told me that it will be awkward just watching them dance and would rather watch a rock concert instead. She does have a good point in a way, but at that time, I wanted to see the Jabbawockeez. Overall, my older sister couldn't take me anyway because she has work on that day, so we didn't go, sadly. Hopefully, next year though!

Lately, I've been asked so many times if I'm interested in a relationship. To tell you the truth, I'm not interested in anyone at the moment and not willing to look for that special someone right now. I'm focusing on my college work and many other goals I'm planning to accomplish. Deep down, I truly have someone in my heart and that's Sho Sakurai, for now, even though he may be older than me. He's basically the only guy I really like even though we may never interact with each other, but I will be very grateful to meet him because I admired him very much along with the rest of the members of Arashi!

"Now that I'm here, I am everything that I have.
This will be the only thing that will not change."
- Boku ga Boku no Subete By Arashi

Catching Up

2008-10-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

"Life is trying things to see if they work."
- Ray Bradbury

A lot has been going on lately and it has only been two weeks already! Going through a lot of homework for college isn't so bad as I thought it would be. I thought it's going to require a lot of paperwork and exams, but it's not. Beginning Algebra I class is going smoothly so far. The homework assignments are way easier online than it is on paper. Just five minutes of doing the homework assignments and then, you're done! That simple, that easy. I think I'm going to pass that class in a snap! Although, the math problems are going to be hard along the way. Let's see, Improving Grammar and Composition I is going smoothly as well. It's just the meaning of listening to the directions carefully and understand what you're suppose to do. If you don't do what Mrs. Matzen wants, she'll kick you out of class (just for that one day) and come back the next day with that complete assignment. I don't want to be in that position! But yeah, I've been writing since the time I started writing my diaries when I was in elementary school and I've noticed that I'm improving my writing (so far). Still, my writing is a work in progress! I think the only reason why there's not that much work in both of my classes, it's probably when starting basic classes at a community college, it's just the beginning of getting ready for what's ahead.

Anyway, other than that, I joined the Asian Pacific Islander club at the college! Natasha and I decided to check it out and see what the upcoming events they're planning. You know what? I’m glad I've join API club because the upcoming event they're planning is a Japanese Taiko Drum concert that's going to happen on October 25th. Natasha and I are in charge of all the decorations and to tell you the truth, I've never planned a huge even like this before, in my life! They're really depending on us and it's really important that everything goes well. Of course, I've met these Japanese ladies who are also SVC students or advisors and they're really polite. On our first API meeting, they made brownies for all the members and new members also. I really like hearing them speak Japanese because I always wanted to learn Japanese or visit Japan again! But, I really can't wait what the other upcoming events are! Oh yeah, today we're going to do calligraphy writing for the Taiko Drum concert event ^^ I'm excited! Three weeks until the actual show happens.

Next topic! This upcoming weekend, I'm going to my second Retreat this year! In my xanga blogs, I've wrote something about my moments at the Retreat last year (2007), so find that and check that out if you like. I really hope it's the same Reach team from last year because they made last year very enjoyable and inspiriting! This year, there’s a lot of students and I'm the oldest one out of the group, which I think is sad. I really do feel out of place since there's nobody as the same age as me. Seriously, I couldn't talk to anybody about college and such because all of them are still in high school.

Ahh! Jabbawockeez are coming to Everett, Washington next week on Monday, October 13th! Well, it's actually the America’s Best Dance Crew performing live tour, so Super Cr3w, Fanny Pak, Asiid, Break Sk8te and many others which I can't think of at the moment, are going to be there! I'm really trying to convince my older sister to come because she's the only one that can drive me there. Ugh, this is my only opportunity to see Jabbawockeez live and I would regret it if I didn't go :/. I mean, I've seen Linkin Park live, why can't I see Jabbawockeez?! Haha, but if my older sister said we couldn't go, I'll be really disappointed, but at the same time, I understand because my older sister is working really hard in work and school. We'll see what happens because there's only 6 days left!

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination."
- Wu Chun

New Obsession

2008-09-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

"How many girls did you get? I've got all these fans."
- Sho Sakurai

After surviving through the first week of college, lately, during my long three-day weekend, I have a new obsession and no, this new obsession will never take away my love of Linkin Park or many other obsessions I have in the past. My best friend, Natasha and her sister, Alexis got me hooked up on a Japanese boy band named, Arashi. Very attractive guys and interesting music. Of course, I've heard of J-POP before, so this kind of music is not really new to me. To all the newbies out there, J-POP is Japanese Pop, if you're wondering. Anyway, I think the only reason I've got so obsess about Arashi is their music, their drama shows and their good looks. Here's their latest video from their album and I'm recently trying to learn this song on the piano.

I will love to say more, but at the moment, I'm very hungry and I want to make this blog post short for today. Even though I want to say more about Arashi. My favorite members from the group is Sho Sakurai, Ohno Satoshi and Ninomiya Kazunari ♥. Look them up on Google, if you're that curious >.<

Here's a quote I like to share from the lyrics of Arashi;

"The train's started moving, but you're always there inside
Will I be able to see you there again?
Am I always there in those eyes that kept believing?
Strong like a flower blooming on the beach
Oh light, keep shining on our future like this forever
Fly high."
- Pikanchi Double By Arashi

College - First Day

2008-09-23T18:15:00.000-07:00

"The mind is like a parachute; it works best when open."
- Anonymous

I got that quote on my first day when Mrs. Matzen was going over the syllabus during English 97: Improving Grammar and Composition I. Anyway, my first day as a college student at Skagit Valley College wasn't so bad after all, but it was busy and chaotic because I had to get my student ID card in the SVC library and buy some of my books for my classes. Finding my classes around the campus wasn't so hard as I thought, but the only thing I don't like about it is going to class in the morning. I almost fell asleep during Math 97: Beginning Algebra II class when Mr. Stady was going over the syllabus and talking about doing homework online and such. First day of school is always boring, no matter what.

Another random thought, I just got my haircut like two days before my class started on the 22nd. The girl that cut my hair was really talkative, but she did very well on my hair. The length of my hair is up to my shoulders and layered and everything. I'm glad I got it cut because I hate fixing my long hair every single day and it takes too long. So, I'm happy that my hair was the way I wanted it to be. All I need to do is get my eyes checked next week and buy some new eye glasses!

Anyway, I love the campus at SVC! They almost have everything like the Island Café, Vending Machines, Old Main Study Room, Fun Events or Clubs and vise-versa. It may not be a university college, but it's better than nothing. Once I complete my classes for the next 2 - 3 years, I'm going to transfer to University of Washington to study about Graphic Design. That's my main goal I'm following right now. Tomorrow, I'm going to attend the 'Fallapalooza Welcome Back To School' event with my best friend of mine, Natasha and check it out! Can't wait though because they have some fun activities going on. Oh yeah and in a few weeks, I'm going to check out the Asian Pacific Islander club meetings and join in!

And you know what? College is way better than high school! ^^

"We are not called to go where it is easy and love already exists. We are called to go where we are sent and bring love with us."
- Anonymous

Time For A Change?

2008-09-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

"Accepting yourself as you are, and finding friends who love you because you are that person, will provide more happiness and comfort than any amount of popularity ever could."
- Kelly Garnett

I'm starting to read books again this month, which is a huge accomplishment to me because I usually don’t like reading that much. If you’re wondering, that was a quote, which I admire, from a book I read called, 'Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul IV.' It's a great book filled with stories of life, love and learning. Anyway, this quote really admired me because the girl that was talking about popularity really taught her that it's artificial and fake. And I totally agree with her. Back in eight grade, I use to have a lot of friends and I always go to all the middle school dances. I was even part of the girl's basketball team and played on the court throughout all the games, but when high school came along, I grew up knowing a few lessons learned and found close friends that became my true friends. To me, high school is filled with groups and cliques based on what you look like and what you do. The worst part of it all is drama and gossip. I hate being part of the drama and gossip especially my friends who only talk about other people. I would rather not care at all and live life to the fullest. The good news is, I graduated from high school, so I don't really have to worry about it anymore.

From here on out, I’m starting community college on September 22nd and taking a huge step in my life. That is why its time for me to change. When I came across this point in my life, I finally realized that my close friends are taking different paths than me. My friends are taking different careers and goals they want to accomplish in the future and the worst part of it all, I won't be able to see them as much as I wanted to. Some of them are moving out of their parents house and going to college out of the state. Others might be applying some jobs and are busy with school work. As for me, sadly, I haven't even got my driver's license yet, even though I'm already eighteen, and not even applying some jobs. As my mom would say, it's best to focus on your school work than anything else. I don't really know why my mom wanted me to finish school first, but I guess, that's what I'm going to do for now.

This might be random, but I really want to cut my hair and get some new eye glasses. I have been blind ever since I lost my left contact lens during Grad Night and I have been wearing only one contact on my right eye for the rest of my summer vacation. Now it's the month of September, I desperately need eye glasses for driving and school, no matter how ugly I am with glasses. Oh yeah and a new haircut since my hair has been the same throughout high school. I really want to change so I can boost my confidences up!

Anyway, since I got that out of my chest, it's time for me to meet new people along with God guiding me and accomplish my goals! Thanks for reading my first blog! My Xanga blog posts are in the past now and from now on, I am becoming a young adult.

"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."
- Carl W. Buechner